I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
