Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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