Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
