I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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