it wasn't lemon gatorade
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
