Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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