My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
