There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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