Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
