walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
