I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
