This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
