I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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