she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
