There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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