is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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