My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
