we made out on top of his cat.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
