don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
