You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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