My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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