i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
