she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
