Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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