I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
