After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
