Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
