All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
