I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
