24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
