Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
