Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
