Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
