the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
