Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
