is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
