He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
