end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
