do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
