you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
