oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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