Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
