Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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