ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
