Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
