i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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