I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
