There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
