her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
