imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
