i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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