I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
worst night to have a conscience
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
