I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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