i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
