I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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